How do real life couples keep their sex life sizzling year after year?
The fact is, physical intimacy changes through different seasons of parenting and marriage. There is an ebb and flow, times of feeling very connected and sex is fun and satisfying. Then there are times of crisis, illness, issues with kids or work that leave us disconnected and suffering in the bedroom.
Being a sensual wife takes wisdom and intentionality.
First, let’s remind ourselves that we are friends and lovers to our husband, and they to us. We are not business partners or roommates. We share an intimate bond together that can’t be filled by anyone else.
Second, being intentional about our intimate time puts it on our radar. We simmer like a crock pot, needing to get our minds (the sexual command center) marinating. Men are like microwaves and can be ready to go in a hot minute.
Third, change things up. Making love the same way, at the same time each week (after your favorite show), will get boring. We will lose interest as well as a connection with our husband.
If we take our cue from Song of Solomon, (see The Sensual Wife – Part 1 ) God intended creativity, the use of all five senses (sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste), with both partners fully engaged.
Let’s start with the bedroom – literally. What does your bedroom look like right now? Is there laundry hanging over a treadmill in the corner? Are your kid’s pictures staring at you from your walls? The bedroom is our sanctuary, an “off limits” room with a lock on the door. “Always knock first” is our rule.
Set the stage by creating an atmosphere that invites romance and sensuality. Clean up all clutter. Add candles with scents you enjoy. (One study indicated that cinnamon affects men positively.) Or consider white votive candles and place them all around your room. (Everyone looks better in candlelight) Change the lighting to a dimmer switch to create a soft glow. Add a music playlist that brings out your sexy.
As we crock pot in our minds, it’s important to prepare our body as well. Take a nap if you feel tired. (Fight the guilt and realize you are replenishing your energy for your man.) Leave time for a hot shower or bubble bath. Plan to wear something that makes you feel beautiful and sexy like a flowing nightgown, lingerie, or a silky robe. Although men are visual, the sexiest thing to a man is our confidence and excitement to engage fully in our time together.
Build anticipation by leaving love notes by the coffee, in his lunch, on the bathroom mirror, or in his car – teasing him with hints of the night you have in mind. Send a playful text with what you are looking forward to. You know he won’t be home late, and if you have little ones, he’ll be the first to put them to bed on time!
Enjoy a late evening romantic dinner when the house is quiet, or some wine and chocolate in your room as you connect emotionally, listening to one another, laughing, and bonding. Craig Groschel, author of “From This Day Forward” says that face to face time leads to belly button to belly button time.
Women need to connect emotionally, to have eye contact, to feel heard, understood, and loved. Men need physical connection to feel bonded, but they still need our words to build them up, to say we appreciate their hard work, that we respect the men they are. Speaking to your man’s deep God given need to protect and provide, infuses life into him.
Speaking of words, as a couple, are you able to share what you desire? It can be uncomfortable to use proper terms for our body parts, so making up creative names helps. It is a special love language that only the two of you know, and you can refer to what you’d like in the kitchen or bedroom. If using words to share what you’d prefer is still too difficult, simply place his hand where you want it to go. Caress your face, your body, and lead him.
Afterward, communicate what you enjoyed and would want to do again. Gently talk about what didn’t work so well and how to change it up for next time.
Being physically intimate is never the same twice. By God’s design, I think He made us that way. Making love is the beautiful act of two becoming one. Created by God for our pleasure and unity, the physical act transcends to a spiritual connection. Afterward, we are weaved together more tightly than before.
Let’s strive to be a confident, sensual and godly wife with a sex life that gets stronger year after year!
What next steps will you take? What is one element that you’d like to try?
Suggested Books: Found on my Resource page
Intimate Issues 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex by Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus.
The Sexually Confident Wife, Connecting with your husband mind – body – heart- spirit by Shannon Ehtridge
From this Day Forward Five Commitments to Fail-proof Your Marriage by Craig and Amy Groeschel
I love this, Leann! These are all such good ideas and reminders of how to keep our love life alive and well. Thank you for sharing these intimacy ideas. We like to treat ourselves to a night or two away to change things up. We bring along candles, our favorite playlist, wine, snacks, etc! Something about a new environment, no distractions of things you need to do around the house, or any interruptions that make the time together feel much more intentional and intimate.
Renee, thank you for sharing. Excellent ideas and I believe you are right about weekends away. They are the glue that keep a marriage strong and healthy. This month I’ll be sharing favorite “weekend get away” locations for couples. Looking forward to hearing yours 🙂
These are wonderful ideas and the reason intimacy and excitement in marriage is so important in making romance a lifelong goal.