Would you like more passion and spark in your marriage? What about sincere attention that allows you to know you are known and loved? How about thoughtful acts or deeds to make your life easier, even sweeter? Am I speaking to your heart?
Today I have a couples challenge for you just in time for Valentine’s Day, with a win-win outcome for both of you. I will share how to put into motion the art of “out-loving your spouse.” It is simple yet draws big dividends. It is an investment in your marriage and yourself. When he wins, you win. When you win, he wins, and the cycle goes around and around.
Would you agree that love is an action? Action begets more action, as Newton’s law of motion states, an object in motion, stays in motion. Or the Bible says it this way, in 1 John 3:18 “ Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions (NLT).”
Out-loving one another started for my husband and me years ago, after he went to a men’s conference, Promise Keepers. It was there that the men were challenged to “out-love their wives.” He is always up for a good challenge, so it was game on!
He started doing little things to help me know that he was thinking about me and loved me, like changing the empty toilet paper roll, then folding it fancy like in a hotel. He would take out the trash without me asking him.
I am competitive and was happy to meet this challenge. I am also a nurturer, so it comes naturally for me to serve him. In the mornings, I’d bring him his coffee while he was getting ready for work, pack his lunch with a little love note, or text him that I was thinking about him.
On occasion, he’d say, “Are you trying to out-love me right now? Oh no you don’t!” Then he’d come up with new ways to express his love and attention for me. This game became integrated into our relationship and life.
We continue to look for ways to serve each other. Sometimes it’s in silly ways that cause us to giggle or in tangible ways that make a big difference during a difficult season, but mostly it is the little things that cause us to feel joy and connection in the midst of a crazy life.
You may have heard the phrase, “Happy wife, happy life.” That has never sat well with me, and seemed one-sided. I prefer the saying, “Happy Spouse, Happy House!” It feels more healthy and balanced. As with any house, time, attention, maintenance, and care are all needed to remain stable and not fall apart. The same is true of marriage.
I encourage you to think of ways you can actively show your love through action. What random acts of service, a simple love note or text, or a thoughtful gift can you give to say, “You are my favorite person on earth?”
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Wash his vehicle or take it through a car wash.
- Complete a chore usually on his list of “to-do’s.”
- Leave “I love you” notes and hide them inside his socks, pockets of pants, overnight bag, and luggage pockets before a trip.
- Make his favorite dessert or dinner, just because.
- Plan a romantic candle-lit dinner for two at home with a favorite playlist, dress for his eyes only, dance in the candlelight, and enjoy each other.
- Run an errand of his to save him time.
- Get tickets to a game or concert, something that would thrill him.
- Work shoulder to shoulder with him on a project. (It’s how guys bond.)
- Write a heart on his bathroom mirror in dry-erase marker or, better yet, put on red lipstick and leave a kiss on his mirror or a note.
As you find new ways to out-love him, he is sure to get creative and jump on board to out-love you right back. Guys like to play, and this mutual game sparks fun and benefits for both of you.
Consider writing him a Valentine’s card, stating that you intend to “out-love” him, and challenge him to a friendly competition where you both win.
What are some ways you can out-love your husband? Please share in the comments so that we sisters can all pool our ideas together.
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